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The Year in Wine
Trends that show no sign of letting up
  
            Warming: whoever’s responsible—be it Ma Nature, or a consortium of evil, greedy, gas-guzzling Western corporations—vineyards are heating up. German whites are improbably lush, Napa and Australia are turning out reds with enough alcohol to be considered breakfast food in Russia, and, for the first time since the Magna Charta, English wine is drinkable.

            Health: reports keep piling up on wine’s benefits to your heart, brain and waistline. A recent study of rats who achieved immortality after injections of phenolic wine component resveratrol, dramatically spiked red wine sales despite the fact that it would take about 87 bottles to equal the rodents’ daily dose. Which just goes to show that facts pale in the face of a good excuse to drink.  
           
            Taste: descriptions of vanilla-violet aromas and nuances of chili and Mexican chocolate notwithstanding, science increasingly shows taste and smell to be as unique as fingerprints. Sure, critics can narrow down the ocean of choices, but after that it’s every palate for itself.

            Bag, Box & Bottlecap: “Have you no screw pulls?” cry purists as alternative closures invade of the holy province of cork. Screwcaps, along with glass stoppers, crown caps and an array of tubes, bags, cans and cartons continue their assault on superstition in order to bring you fresh, uncontaminated wine.  I say “Hosanna!”
           
            Glut: As the world continues to produce more wine than it drinks, the customer is still king. Prices are down and bargains abound even if it’s tough to keep track. Europe is turning surplus wine into cleaning fluid and automobile fuel (not such a weird concept when you consider the SmartCar, designed for Paris parking, whose safety rating in head-on collisions is “Liquefy”). Fierce competition spurred marketing efforts heroic and nauseating. Such as wine for:

a) Women (low alcohol, lighter flavors and girly-girl packaging)

b) Morons (featuring labels so dumbed-down they made beer cans look like a master’s thesis)

c) 20-somethings - target audience for the critters that continue to crawl, slither, gallop and, in the case of top US import Yellowtail, hop across labels. Why no one is courting the skateboard set by sponsoring the X-Games and hosting wet t-shirt contests during spring break I can’t fathom, but then they pay me to write, not sell.  
           
            Public: despite wine surpassing beer sales for the first time ever, the average non-coastal US wine consumer still doesn’t give a hoot about appellations, vintages, yields or oak and buys primarily based on price, grape variety and label.  
           
            Trends: pinot grigio and pinot noir are in; merlot is out. Rosé, despite phenomenal quality and plenty to go around still suffers from its very pinkness. Sake, which continually promotes its future role as Next Big Thing, can’t even get past the doorman.

            World Round-Up     

            Argentina finally lives up to its red-wine potential, New Zealand still cranks out the zippiest whites on the planet, and Virginia, New York, Texas and Michigan are among US states becoming serious wine contenders.

            Italy: a constant squabble pitting international against traditional winemaking styles results in an improvement in both, as more and more indigenous grapes are turned into magnificent wine using technology grandfather never dreamed of. 

            Spain: continues to breathe glorious life into old and new appellations and put out high-class wine at low-down prices.

            Germany: a bargain-hunter’s dream, especially the 2005 vintage. If you haven’t fallen in love with riesling, what are you waiting for?

             France: has met the enemy and it is eux. Reasonable voices are still drowned out by a national policy of coddling whiners and hobbling the successful. This year saw them:
            a) collecting taxes from successful producers to pay unsuccessful ones to rip out vines,
            b) effectively conceding the entry level market to Australia by banning oak chips
            c) losing their corner on lucrative MTV Champagne market by dissing their hip-hop customers.

            Finally, a practical note:      
            Flight: don’t even think about bringing wine home in your carry-on, unless it’s under three ounces and fits in a Zip-lock bag. You’ll have to check it in your luggage, wrapped snugly in your underwear. Hopefully, you look good in red briefs.

Happy New Year to All!

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