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Wine news: breaking and broken
Time for our regular round-up of news from the outer fringes of wine.
Dry T-Shirt Contest?
Now you can have your wine and wear it too. Scientists from the University of Western Australia are making clothes out of wine byproducts. They drape the rubbery layer left from vinegar-making over an inflatable doll and wait while bacteria knits it into fabric. Then the doll is collapsed and removed, leaving a dress.
Only hitch: dry cellulose fibers tear like tissue paper, so the dress can only be worn when wet.
Unwrapped
A mass nude run by Chinese winemakers has been cancelled. The Jixiang Ruyi Tobacco and Alcohol Company of Zhengzhou organized the event to protest over-elaborate packaging of 'Baijiu,' a traditional New Year’s spirit. Young, healthy people with regular features and sound minds were invited to apply, and over 1,700 did, mostly men. Although hired beauty-industry experts judged only thirty of them sufficiently auspicious, the point was moot when police denied the permit, claiming the race did not meet moral standards.
Chug it on the curb
The Muslim American Society has issued a fatwa against the Minneapolis Airport, for requiring taxi drivers to pick up passengers carrying alcohol. To appease the drivers, three-quarters of whom are Muslim, Airport officials suggested installing special lights on booze-friendly cabs. The public disagreed, and have organized hearings revoke cabby’s licenses. Incidentally, dogs are also on the Muslim no-drive list.
Nuances of faking it
If tasting notes often strike you as gibberish, you’re not alone. According to Philadelphia’s Monell Chemical Senses Center, wine perception is as unique as fingerprints. Almost all of us are anosmic—or unable to smell—at least a few wine descriptors as common as banana, pear, sandalwood, and floral scents. Close to half the population can’t smell musk.
Corkscrews in the pit
LPGA followers spent $125 on wine per household in 2006, more than any other sports fans. Tennis and PGA watchers were second and third. The biggest gain in wine spending, a record 63%, was posted by NFL Football fans. But perhaps most surprising was the 26% rise in wine spending amongst those mavens of high culture, NASCAR fans.
AXE me no questions
French over-indulgers can reach for a bottle of AXE’s “Lendemain Difficile,” the anti-hangover shower gel that promises to save the day, no matter how wild and short the night before. Exactly how miracle ingredient Mg-02 will fix your heaving head and stomach is unclear. Maybe you’re supposed to drink it.
Deep Thought
If being on the latitude of Bordeaux was so important then our best wines would come from North Dakota.
Clean, but not sober
Guards found a normally calm, 49-year-old Maryland prisoner red-eyed, combative and "lecturing everyone about life." Turns out he’d been chugging Purell hand sanitizer. This prompted lathered-up officials from the Maryland Poison Control Center to issue a statement claiming the widespread use of hand cleaners, at about 70% alcohol, is “fraught with a great deal of danger.”
What about swimsuits?
After a raging success last year, Deluxe Magazine and the Hungarian Grape and Wine Council are holding a second wine bottle beauty contest. Main prize: a $25,000 marketing package. The idea seems to be to make Hungarian bottles more appealing than the wine inside.
We’re shocked. Shocked!
A year after the Supreme Court eased up on direct shipments from wineries to customers, a new survey shows teens have not been rushing to the Internet to buy. Only 2% of 14-20-year-olds reported purchasing alcohol online and fewer than 10% had browsed websites selling alcohol. By contrast, 80% reported browsing sexually explicit sites.
Nevertheless, The Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America called the news “Shocking! Hard evidence that should really shake up this debate.” Long-time foes of direct shipping, which bypasses wholesalers’ role, the WSWA likes to raise fears of resulting teen drunkenness. Unfortunately they can’t ignore this study, since they commissioned it.
Just had to Clear this Up
Palate – roof of the mouth or tasting prowess.
Palette – artist’s mixing board or group of colors.
Pallette – armpit plate on a suit of armor.
20,000 leagues under the bar
Chile’s Casanueva Vineyards is famous for its undersea wine cellars. Sommeliers and restaurant patrons alike can don SCUBA gear and swim down to select a bottle for dinner.
Now researchers in Brittany are analyzing why drowning seems to improve wine. While Chileans claim temperature, pressure, filtered light and tidal movement are involved, the French conclude, “It is something to do with the way the water rubs over the bottles."
Hip-Hopping Mad
Cristal has long been an icon of the hip-hop set. But when Louis Roederer Champagne president Frédéric Rouzaud was asked how he felt about the honor, he answered, “But what can we do? We can’t forbid people to buy it.”
Rap artist Jay-Z, whose 40/40 Clubs sell oceans of the $400 to $600 Champagne, took this as a diss. Calling the comment racist, he’s asked fellow rappers to boycott Cristal, and has even removed the word from his lyrics in performance. Champagnes Krug and Dom Pérignon are reportedly happy to take up the slack. But can they rhyme and scan?
The Few, The Proud, The Oaked
From Firestone Vineyards comes Jarhead Red; a wine made by Marines for Marines. The winemaker and vineyard foreman, both ex-leather-necks, produce a full-bodied, oak-aged cabernet sauvignon, with fine tannins and flavors of plum, cassis and black currant. Net proceeds go to the Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation.
Hungarian Monkeys
Zookeepers in Budapest go through fifty-five liters of red wine each year, claiming it’s good for the blood cells. No, not theirs. The connoisseurs involved are eleven anthropoid apes. “They don’t get drunk or anything,” keepers report, “We just mix wine with their tea at mealtime.” Since when do monkeys drink tea?
Creepy Crawlies
Australian researchers are studying smell sensors in worms and insects in the quest for one of science’s lesser-known holy grails: the perfect electronic nose. The new “cybernose,” will help producers measure flavors and aromas in wine. Other applications include non-invasive cancer screenings as well as airport security. That’s right, one day your grandmother will be pulled aside for cybernosing.
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