Presents for Winos

We will give no gift before its time. Actually, we tend to get around to it months later. Whatever the occasion, if you don't want to give bottles of actual, liquid wine to that geek in your life, check out this guide to our favorite wine-related loot.

VinTemp Corkscrew
Hold that screw! First, press this up against the bottle to read the temperature of the wine within. The multi-tasking tool saves you from the faux pas of serving warm Vouvray. The corkscrew is my favorite, but there are also pen and keychain versions. Stainless steel or copper. $50

Venus Wine Opener
I want to bear its children. Not just because of the lithe curve of shining stainless steel, but also for the ease with which it de-corks forty bottles on a single charge; then spits them out with a flick of the switch. Ony problem: it never calls, doesn't send me flowers....
After 5 - $49.99

Wine Dogs - original winery dog books
Wherever wine is made, you're likely to find a good dog stalking the cellar or vineyard. Here are some beauties, interspersed with short essays from your favorite wine writers.
WIne Dogs Deluxe Edition - $29
Wine Dogs USA Edition - $39

Essential Wine Tasting Guide
Wine chart showing major grape varieties and wine styles, over 1200 tactile, taste and varietal wine descriptors, color guide, faults guide, serving temperature, scoring and more. All the size of a credit card! Good for education and as a pocket reference for anyone.
Essential Wine Tasting Guide - $5.95

Pocket Flask
Another gorgeous hunk of metal, shaped like a wavy, flat donut, this flask should probably not be left alone with the Venus Wine Opener. Unless you want lots of little appliances running around.
The Gadget Hub - $44

Wine Scepter
Lord it over your cellar with this regal scepter, a metal wand you freeze and then insert in an open bottle to keep it cold. It forms a seal, and if you push aside the crown of grapes it’s also hollowed-out for pouring. Choice of stainless or gold-plated with Swarovski crystal. - $170-$290

Wine Music
Aussie musician Tony King's CD of music made entirely with wine-objects, like bottles, glasses, barrels, corks and wine itself. Vaguely new-agey, like a pipe organ, pan flute and theramin crashiing a Balinese gamelan fest, but with cool, driving rhythms. Sample and don't miss the video on his site:
The Sound of Wine - $16.95

Lock Stop
Live with a bunch of freeloaders? This will keep their maws off your fine liquor. Place in the neck of a bottle and set the combination lock on top. Then watch them struggle to open it, knowing your Dom is safe for you. If you remembered to write down the combination.
The Gadget Hub - $30

Wine Picnic Table
The sun is shining, blanket’s spread, rosé chilled, and clothes are being shucked. But just as things get steamy, you ruin the moment by knocking over your wine. Next time, tuck this gadget in your basket; then simply push it into the grass or sand for an instant glass holder. Now your wine will stay upright even when you don’t.
Crate & Barrel -$7.95

Wine Dishtowels
Chic kitchen towels that remind you of the proper way to store ans serve various wines.
Curio City - 2/$17.99

Wine Switchplates
Does your decorating scheme involve bowls of potpourri? Give your home that wine country B&B ethos by subbing out your tired old switchplates for these pretty ones, featuring corks, grapes and other vinous themes. 
Curio City Online - $5

WinePod
Even apartment-dwellers can have their own, personal winery. All contained in a handsome pod with the look and finish of quality home furnishing. Everything you need to make fine wine is included, while an onboard computer helps you through the process. But hurry, there’s a waiting list.
WinePod - $3499.00.

Grapevine Bonsai & Tool Kit
Or, think smaller with this miniature vineyard, complete with tools to grow and harvest your own tiny grapes, and perhaps turn out wine by the thimble. Warning: Bonsai could be hazardous to the Attention–Challenged.
Wine Enthusiast - $129.95

Swill Wine Tasting and Club Starter Kit
Wine tasting party kits bring together the essential ingredients of the good life: good friends, great wine, and lively conversation.
Swill Party - $29.99

Private Vineyard Estate
Or escape the snow and jet down to your own winery in Argentina. The Vines of Mendoza is offers fifty professionally-managed private vineyard estates available in four- to twelve-acre parcels, surrounding a five-star, luxury spa and resort scheduled to open in 2008.
Vines of Mendoza – price upon request.

The Cork Jester’s Guide to Wine
The year’s best wine book. This talented, entertaining author helps you learn all about wine while spitting it out your nose laughing. Did I mention I wrote it? $14.95

White Wine Carafe w/Chilling Insert
White seldom needs decanting but chilling is a different matter. Fill the central glass column with ice and pour winearound it. A pretty way to keep cool, and promises not to drip when you pour.
Wine Enthusiast - $79.95

Limited Edition Riedel Amadeo Lyra Decanter
Expensive, yes, but only master glassblowers can create these gorgeous swoops of mouthblown crystal, so no two are exactly alike. Just like snowflakes, without the melting.
Wine Glass Guys.com $248

RoJaus Wine Decanter 
Tired of the same old pouring routine? Hang this decanter upside down on its wrought-iron stand and dispense wine with the press of a glass. You can also filter reds through a special screen and chill whites by pouring over a frozen water-filled globe.
Wine Enthusiast - $169.95

Candy Cane Stoppers
You buy accessories for your iPod; why not your decanter? These look like those clear glass marbles with pinwheels of color inside, only bigger, hollow and mouth –blown. Besides, red and white stripes aren’t just for Christmas anymore; they’re the new black. Black, meanwhile is the new paisley. Try to keep this stuff straight. 
Wine Enthusiast - Set of one big, one small -$44.95

Bodum Stemless Champagne Flutes
No longer the province of big-chain Eye-talian restaurants, stemless is hip, so it’s time Champagne got in on the trend. These 6-oz flutes cut down on breakage and up on drinkage, which is the point, right?
Cooking.com - Set of two - $8.95

Onyx Wine Glasses
With stems no longer de rigeur, what’s so holy about glass, anyway? Why not wine glasses handcrafted from genuine onyx? Get used to drinking from marble goblets and next thing you’ll be needing a pedestal and plaque. Green or white.
Khan Imports - Set of two -$34.99

Fusion Stemware
Not 100% unbreakable (I hurled one on a cement floor to find out), but still the strongest thin, light, elegant wine glasses around. Dishwasher-safe, won’t cloud and no one will suspect you’re using the Tommee Tippee of wine cups. Klutzes of the world, unite! Gently, please.
Wine Enthusiast - set of four - $89           

The Glasklasen Chandelier
Solve your lighting and cupboard space problems together with this ingenious wine-glass chandelier. Hang your glasses from this fixture where they reflect light from a central lamp. Black or clear lacquer or chromium-plated. Price upon request.

Carabiner Corkscrew
If you like climbing the walls of your wine-cave, you’ll want this. Looks just like a real carabiner, but it’s actually a key-chain, bottle opener and corkscrew. The only thing it isn’t is a real carabiner, so don’t count on it for rapelling into the vintage Barolo.
Iwantoneofthose.com - $10.78

Champagne Parachute
If shaking up Champagne to explode the cork is gauche, then why’d they make it so much fun? Would-be Formula One winners can make the fantasy even cooler: attach this launch module to your bottle and as the cork soars skyward a parachute deploys and floats it gently back to the ground. Use it over and over, whenever there’s good Champagne to waste. Iwantoneofthose.com - $7.20

Box-Wine Dispenser
If you’re the type who can’t bare a naked Kleenex box, you’ll want to conceal your shameful wine secret in one of these sleek, Swedish, box-wine cosies. Red, white or black.
POAA - $52

Super Egg Drink Cooler
Ice cubes melt and dilute, but this silver egg, filled with a (secret) chemical liquid (water) won't. Plus, after it's done its cooling duties it provides hours of entertainment as guests try to roll it into upright position. And if that entertains your guests, I doubt they're in the upright position themselves.
POAA - $30

Christofle Champagne Straws
The only thing more luxurious than Champagne is drinking it with a silver straw. Cristofle’s set of two come in a special pouch inside a classic green gift box. Set of two $115
Or try:
Tiffany Monkey Straw
Tiffany’s vine-wrapped version features a little climbing silver monkey. $115

CL Sound Machine
It plays records, CDs and mp3s, has speakers and woofers and includes visible storage for twelve bottles of wine. Topped with a big RCA-dog-type gramophone horn, the whole thing comes in shiny molded white or black plastic. Strangely beautiful.
Cucumber Lab - Price upon request

Inflatable Bubble Bar
Glamorous, chic, or maybe just weird, anyway this 11 foot blow-up bar with glowing bubble lights will add a certain je ne sais quoi to all your events.
For sale or rent - contact for details

Copyright 2007. All rights reserved.

Photo of Jennifer:
Ford Stockton McClave
Denver, CO USA 303-394-3673